The Truth about Addiction....
- By girly-d
- On 13/10/2017
- 1 comments
People ask me why I don't drink.
The truth is that there are loads of reasons..... Far too many to list here.
One of the reasons is that it's hard to look at alcohol in the same way when some of your closest friends in detox are yellow before they hit 30 (assuming that they ever will), or seeing good friends who are funny kind and decent, just really fucking lost, asking you for money on the streets because they couldn't keep up with the daily battle to stay clean and sober. Or worrying about an ex who meant everything to you but is back to square one on the snakes and ladders board that is addiction and is currently facing detox or death if he doesn't sort it out.
Addiction is a fucker. It chews people up and spits them out.
It will drag you to the depths of your own personal hell and laugh at your pathetic attempts to get out. It knows that you need it to function as you are the walking dead without it; So it takes its time - Enjoys the show....toying with you and your emotions like a cat with a cornered mouse.
The loneliness, the isolation, the sickness and the nausea. The horrific withdrawals....Addictions job is to ensure that by the time it is through with playing with you, you will do absolutely anything to get your hands on the poison you need just to get through the day. You'll rob and you'll steal and you will sell both yourself and your soul to get whatever it is that you need that will make the pain stop. Temporarily...
Because it's a lifelong thing if you can't manage to shake it.
Detox threw me a lifeline and I grabbed it with both hands. I've been clean and sober for almost a year. I don't take it for granted. I know that my name is still on the guest list if ever I let my guard down. So I make sure that I kick my addiction in the head on a daily basis. Usually while I'm remembering my friends from rehab who didn't make it.
On a day like today I'd love nothing more than a drink with my friends in a beer garden somewhere. The old me would love that. But I'm no longer "Old me," and my reality is that if I were to have that drink, then everything that I have worked for in the last 6 months goes immediately to shit.
So I will be out later. In a beer garden somewhere by myself - because it's a contemplation day. But instead of an ice cold pint of lager I will be sipping on a J20 and thanking my lucky stars...
For Sam. One of my yellow friends who didn't make 30... He died. .....he was 27.
RIP Sam. I Miss you....hope things are better in your new place x