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Super Trouper...

  • By girly-d
  • On 16/05/2018

People say that I'm inspiring...

They admire my resilience. And that's pretty cool, because I admire my resilience too...especially on days like today when I feel anything but resilient.

Because my head's really's just chatter chatter chatter. I can't shut it up and I'm struggling to think straight. 

It's starting to scare me.

My cute little caravan feels like a prison cell...only the door doesn't close properly, and I can open the windows, which is the only way that I can tell the difference today.

Magic is sleeping - stuck like a tiny ball of velcro to my leg. She's out for the count bless her, bar an occasional tiny purr, because Magic clearly doesn't give a fuck where we live, she's just happy to be here.

Which is exactly how I should be feeling...

But I'm not.

I'm really, truly not.

I'm kind of treading water at the minute. Trying to keep my head from going under...because I can feel it snaking around me again, this cold, dark, horrible greyness of depression.

 She came for me before...but I was drunk a lot then so she didn't get to scare me.

 I'm stone cold sober now...and I can feel her breath.

So just writing these lines gives me the shivers, because I'm really truly not ready for depression to strike me again.

I don't want to go down that road.

So instead, I'm just going to get into bed and hold onto Magic where I'll attempt to talk myself out of this vile state of mind.

Remind myself that I'm a super trouper, and not some lonely, lost and isolated woman living in the middle of nowhere...

With obligatory cat.