Images 25

Sliding Doors....

  • By girly-d
  • On 01/12/2017
  • 1 comments

Imagine if you could choose to go back in time. To an event or a point in your life of your choosing, and see what could have happened instead of what actually did, depending on which path you chose to take at that time.

And if you could go back, what would you do?, now that you could see into the future? Would you change things? Because being able to see all of the options in front of you  would be mind-blowing. And changing the outcome would literally change everything...... 

Would you be ready for that? Would you even want to go back in the first place? Or would you prefer to let sleeping dogs lie and not even go there?

My journey back in time would go something like this.....

My husband is leaving me. 

I've come home from work and he's stood in our living room. And now he is leaving me. And he's turning to pack and I'm breaking my heart and I know with absolute certainty that I cannot stand by and watch him do this and so I do what I do best when horrible things happen to me and I run....

And I go to a friends and I drink lots of wine, and when I go back the next day he is gone....and everything starts to unravel.

I start to unravel....

My husband is not leaving me. 

I've come home from work and he's stood in our living room and I breathe a sigh of relief that he's here. Because he's been distant lately and it's been hard to get through to him. I want to ask him what's wrong but he's moody and nasty and I'm guessing that tonight probably isn't the best night to sort out our marriage problems...  

I end up in rehab. 

I don't end up in rehab.....

Wow.

What if I hadn't run out that night? What if I'd begged him to stay instead?

What if I hadn't found the email, weeks later, when I still held out hope for our marriage, the one that told me what I already suspected??

That my husband was a liar.

What if????

I could be out walking my dog today, because I would still have my dog. I could be feeding my cats, because I'd still have them too. I could be cooking dinner for us and our friends in our beautiful flat that we would still be renting,  because I've chosen to re-write history..... 

Meaning that I wouldn't now be living alone, trying to rebuild my life because my husband threw a grenade at me and watched as my little world and everything in it went up in flames....

I've gone over that fateful night a million times in my head.

What if, what if, what if???......

But the decision I made was the right one. Even though it broke me and I'm still a little bit broken. Because my husband was unfaithful. And that was a game-changer.

He wasn't the person that I thought he was. 

And he would have broken my heart over and over again if I'd let him. Because he did the one thing I thought that he would never, ever do to me.

So yes, I would still be in that beautiful flat overlooking the beach, but I would probably be alone....crying myself to sleep because he hasn't come home. Again.

And I know absolutely, that despite all of the repercussions, that I didn't want that life for myself. And so when he asked to come back, I said no. And I told him that our marriage was over.

Because it needed to be.

So now this way we can both be happy.

He gets to sleep with as many women as he wants, now that he's no longer married to me. Because it's not my world he's rocking this time, which means I don't care.

And I get to meet someone who has a lot more respect for me.

No crystal balls or time-travelling required.....

not the slide mental health decisions me myself and i

Comments

  • Paolo
    That million dollar question, what if? Such a hard one to think about, and I think we all do at one point over something or another.

    Usually the answer is change nothing as I'm better for it today.

    Look how far you've come, but be excited for the endless possibilities that will come your way. :)

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