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Mr (not) Right (now)...

  • By girly-d
  • On 22/05/2018

He's in the shed...

Which is probably not where you would normally keep the man of your dreams, but thats's where he is. Which is infinitely more preferable to the other place he could be spending the night tonight, which is in my caravan, in bed.

With me...

Because that would be a bad move of epic proportions...and so I am absolutely, categorically, not even if my life depended on it, 'Going There'.

At least not tonight.

Which is weird...because we've shared beds before. We've seen each other naked. I've known this man for 20 odd years - and for the record he has floated my boat for every single one of inner fox would usually be swinging from the chandeliers and shouting from the rooftops right now that this man is with me. In the same room and stuff...again.

But inner fox is unusually quiet tonight. There is nothing but silence and a bucket load of inner resolve from where she's sitting, idly filing her nails and watching us both.

Because she knows that I love this man. 

I've always loved him.

When I was young and stupid without a care in the world I loved him. When I was older and wiser and my marriage broke down I loved him and when I was desperately ill in hospital and detox, and his letters and his cards kept me going, I loved him.

And I love him now.

This beautiful, incredible person of mine.

The man who has fixed my caravan door for me and hung all my pictures on the wall. The guy who bought me two packs of oatcakes from home because he knows that I love them but then left them behind in the cottage he's staying in while he's here, which means he'll have to post them to me instead...


My go-to guy.

My wingman.

And so he's in the shed tonight.

Because things have happened to him lately like they've happened to me...he's a little bit broken right now...and having him next to me in my bed is not going to help either of us at the minute. I know that and he knows that.

And so I kiss him goodnight and I watch as he leaves and I wait till the place is in darkness before I sleep.

And now it's the next morning and he's drinking his coffee and I'm looking at this man...and I'm not going to cry until he drives away.

Because neither of us have much at the minute. But we have each other. We will always have each other...

And he's getting in the car and he's turning the corner...and I'm just going to sit here breaking my heart for a bit.

Because I love this man.

And he loves me.

And I will cherish having  this guy in my life forever...which is why I'm not going to fuck it all up by sleeping with him...