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(Inner) Fox Hunting....

  • By girly-d
  • On 23/10/2017

Before I met M I was a fox.

That's not me being big-headed. I just was. I was  confident, outgoing and liked to show my seductive side.

I used to have flings. Wear pretty, girly playsuits, and dresses with sky-high heels. I drank champagne; dabbled in Class A's in swanky hotel rooms. I was careless and fearless. I knew who I was and where I was coming from..

Then I let somebody steal my sparkle.

He was drawn to my face, my figure and my confidence. But then used them as weapons against me. 

At first I didn't notice the signs. But then they became unmissable. And inner fox went down the rabbit hole - having found herself surplus to requirements. 

My pretty dresses became jeans and leggings. My heels became converse and ballet pumps. My make up went from elegant and girly to muted, then faded....then non existent. My beautiful, crazy cave-womanish hair that always drew compliments was hidden in buns and side ponytails. So that I wouldn't attract attention. 

It wasn't enough. 

Every man who glanced at me wanted to take me to bed. Most of the women too....according to the way that M's mind worked. In his head I was constantly out shagging the world the minute that his back was turned. I couldn't keep up with his accusations and escalating violence. Because of course I needed to be punished for being so "available" to everyone who crossed my path.....He drained my vitality and left me with ashes. 

Anyway, that was a year ago.

I left him. Although not before significant damage had been done to my head and my confidence.

I've been trying to rebuild for a while. And now I'm taking my power back.

Despite his "encouragement" and suggestions that I "donate" the contents of my  wardrobe to the charity shop, I didn't.  I kept hold of my pretty dresses and my shoes.... The ones that he didn't manage to wreck anyway....

They are here, now, in my wardrobe.....

I unpacked them today... 

Because inner fox has been missing for too long, and I want her back. I miss her. She completes me.....

So today I have made what I used to call an "executive decision"....and I am going back down  into that rabbit hole. But I'm not staying long. It's just a flying visit. And when I come out I will have both my inner fox and my sparkle back.... 

And this time I'm keeping hold of them....


anxiety not the slide decisions me myself and i