- By girly-d
- On 20/02/2018
- 0 comments
I have an addict mentality.
Everything I think about, everything I do gets processed and carried out at lightning speed, because I need to hurry, hurry, hurry twenty four hours a day in case I miss something.
It means that I can't sit in the moment. I don't have the capacity to ever fully relax. My head gets in the way and my thoughts start to take over. Which triggers the negative voices in my head......
I'm starting to struggle.
These last few weeks have been a blur of juggling work, myself, my re-lapsed boyfriend. I haven't had time to process it all. Things have gone too quickly even for me.....and now my head is literally spinning.
I'm starting to spiral. It's starting to scare me.
Today I stood at the train station. Do I catch the train, don't I catch the train?.....the indecision was crippling.
The machine would'nt take my money. Twice. Was this a sign to stay where I was?? Aaaaargh......just let me make a decision head.....please.
I go into the ticket office. Tell the man I'm undecided. I have eight minutes to make up my mind. I want to cry. Instead I bite my lip and buy my ticket.
I caught the train with minutes to spare. Then almost immediately wanted to get back off again. I stood up to leave but the whistle blew, the doors shut and the decision was made for me.
Now I'm sat in a bar in Cornwall. Do I go home, do I go back to where I just came from? I bought a return ticket just in case. I can't decide between the two....so I'm just sitting here. Drinking pretend beer. Trying to make a decision. Getting nowhere.....
I'm hoping it's my thyroid that is talking to me rather than my head. I have meds for my thyroid. I can start to take them again. Thyroid problems can mess with your head. Plus I'm tired and I'm stressed and my blood sugar is all over the place.
So I'm guessing it's my thyroid. It needs to be my thyroid.
Because if it's my head then I could be in trouble.
I don't want to play that game....