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Hunting for mice.....

  • By girly-d
  • On 20/01/2018

I used to spend my life looking for elephants - Those hulking great things that weigh a ton and could squash you or I just as easily as either of us could swat a fly.

 You know where you are with elephants. They do what they say on the tin. Plus, you can generally spot them coming a mile off...unlike the mice...

I used to think that mice were cute. Insignificant. Those teeny, tiny furry things, all quivering whiskers and curious faces. A bit of cheese here, some stray crumbs there and mice will happily hoover your carpet and be your new best friends forever... 

Yeah right...

Fuck that shit...because mice are motherfuckers. They are the ones causing carnage while you are busy hunting for elephants...



The last few days my head has been chock full of mice - Those sneaky little bastards are everywhere. Because there is never just "one mouse" - there are always "mice".


All it takes is the teeniest chink in my armour, and head honcho mouse is in there like a shot, along with the rest of his family, all raring to reproduce at an alarming rate, so that in no time at all, all of the nooks and crannies in my mind will soon be harbouring their little grey offspring...Invisible, right up until the point where they start to take a bite.

They especially like to munch on my confidence. So any 'I'm not good enough/ pretty enough/ thin enough' careless throwaway comment designed by someone to knock what little is left of mine, and it's carvery time in mouseland. A full on, fill your plate extravaganza.

And they don't stop feeding until there is literally nothing left of me to take.

Living with mice leaves me emotionally drained and physically exhausted. The constant pitter-patter of their scratchy little feet is the only noise that I can hear the second that that curveball has hit bulls-eye, and it is the first, and usually the only, indicator I get that tells me I'm about to have an "unpretty/ unqualified and generally unfit to be a human" kind of internal melt-down usually within seconds.

Because, try as I might, I just can't side-step the little things. Even when I actually do see them coming. I just wait, like a sitting duck with a huge great bulls-eye tattoed across my chest, waiting for the arrow to hit. All the while knowing that the second that it does, that I'm screwed. Because just one negative thought becomes like that mouse, and it's incredible ability to replicate. Over and over and over again. Until there is literally no room in my brain for anything else but negative thought, and I begin to feel as though my head will explode.

So give me an elephant anyday. I'm prepared for the elephants. Job loss, relationship break-ups, the loss of a loved one...I've thought about how to deal with them. I have a strategy. Several strategies. But mice?? Jesus...absolutely no idea. 

So right now, I'm off to the supermarket. Because realistically, until someone invents a miniture, mouse-eating cat that can live inside my head, then buying these little fuckers a truckload of cheddar in order to keep them occupied appears to be my only option...



health anxiety not the slide mental health control me myself and i