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Hollow...A poem x (V)

I’m black and I’m blue and I’m feeling degraded,

My hair is a mess and my make-up is faded

I look in the mirror, despise what I see, then I look at this man who means nothing to me

I creep out the door before he awakes,

I’m tired and I’m ill…there is nothing to take

I don’t leave my number, I don’t know his name, 

I’m tired and hungover and burning with shame

I creep down the backstreets, avoid being seen, and I long for a shower, or just to feel clean

There’s no-one to turn to, there’s nowhere to go, 

It’s just me and my head in this shit horror show

So I head for the basement and open a can, 

And I drink to get shit-faced as fast as I can

I’m all out of options, I’m running on empty, I have nothing left now, I’m just how he left me

I’m counting the days now, I’m counting the hours,

Because soon I’ll be dead and be pushing up flowers

And I’m ok with that, I’m resigned to my fate, because I’ve tried and I’ve failed to keep spinning these plates

It’s too much too deal with, it’s too much to take, and I’ll tell that to God when I’m stood at his gate

And I hope that he gets it…that he sees that I’ve tried, as I drown in the river of tears that I cried

Because I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to stay, in this horrible head fuck of “Alcohol Day”

So somebody help me, or let’s get it over, I’m all out of hope, I can’t deal with life sober

So this is my story, and this is my shame,

Written here on my face and beside my real name...

 

Comments

  • Jeanne
    • 1. Jeanne On 18/05/2020
    What a picture you paint with your words. I wish poetry like this existed when I was at school. Hopefully on the syllabus now. So important for young people to hear this. Thank god for your recovery and the ability to share your experience to help others.

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