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Feeling Shyer....

  • By girly-d
  • On 21/10/2017

I am officially doing my own head in.

It's Friday night. There is a festival on yards from where I live, I have access all areas and yet I don't want to leave the house.

My anxiety and self doubt right now are crippling me. I barely know anyone in this town, I have the perfect excuse to socialise and yet it's just not happening.

The shouts and cheers from the drunken crowd  that are carrying over to where I'm sat in my bedroom,  only make me to want to jump into bed and pull the duvet over my head - not get out there and get my groove on.... This isn't how I want to spend my evening.

So I try. "Make an effort"....

I grit my teeth, summon my inner fox, get myself ready and head down there against my better judgement.  Self-conciously order a drink. I can do this...

Only I can't....

I hate it. Inner fox hates it. Mainly because I'm wearing jeans and converse and not the kind of slinky LBD and heels that she prefers....she feels put out. 

Yet even in my casual get up of jeans and a tee shirt,  I feel self concious and exposed. I'm the only person in the room who is clearly out on their own. And there are some familiar faces from my past coming in to the marquee from out of the cold.

I don't want to see these people - With their finger pointing and backstabbing whispers. The last thing I need right now is for  the Jungle drums to start back up and carry my name to the town I used to live in. I'm not the sad and lonely mess that I used to be.  I'm starting over. I don't need their tittle tattle.

So there you have it.  I tried to socialise.  I can't do it. I knew before I started that this would be a mistake. I should have listened to myself...

There's only one option left open to me scarper, before I'm spotted. So I do. I scamper away back home as fast as I can. Relief tattoed across my forehead in big neon letters.

My big night out lasted all of 30 minutes.

So....Pj's, a facemask and a glass of alcohol free wine it is then....

How to make friends and influence people....Go me.