Images 74

Faking baking.......

  • By girly-d
  • On 01/05/2018
  • 1 comments

It was his birthday.

I'd planned a holiday as a present - nothing incredible, just a few days in the sun last minute.com. It made sense. It was cheap, it was hot and it was a chance to get away while I had the time booked off from work.

I was so excited.

I needn't have been.

Because it didn't happen......

What did happen was that my boyfriend hit the vodka again. Hard.

Which in turn meant that there was absolutely no way on earth we could go on holiday now that he was drinking again. At least if I was here when it happened I knew how to get myself back home safely by myself at night.  I didn't want to be having to try and do that alone in a strange country.

So we didn't go.

He stayed mainly in bed or on the sofa chugging back vodka, while I went to Boots. To buy some fake tan.....in readiness for me having to go back to work looking all bronzed and lovely, running on sunshine and ready to regale my colleagues with tales of my amazing holiday that I didn't actually get to go on....

It was soul destroying.

Thankfully Rimmel did me proud and I managed to pull it off . On the tan front anyway.....Unfortunately, I wasn't quite as prepared when it came to telling people where we'd stayed and what we'd been up to. My wi-fi was down when I eventually got home and so I was unable to read up on where it was that we had supposedly been...and somehow, simply saying, "living room / Boots" didn't have quite the same ring to it.....

Plus I had no photos for people to coo over. Who doesn't have photos of their holiday?? I mean really???

It was excrutiating.

My boyfriend didn't actually care about any of this obviously. Not while he still had money to burn and the vodka was flowing. Why would he be giving two shits about the difficult situation that his drinking binges had put me in? Or the fact that my three weeks "holiday" was in fact actually spent looking after him, cleaning up the flat, and  trying not to tread in sick.... 

He just stayed under the duvet, getting pissed, while I lied through my teeth to everyone......including my bosses. Who had been good enough to let me extend my time off in order to fit said holiday in in the first place. Which made me feel like shit. I hate lying. To anyone. I especially hated having to lie to them.

Yet, unbelievably, despite all of this I still stayed with him.....

Jesus. 

I went back to work in more need of a holiday than I've ever been in my life....

I quite fancied Spain. I hear Fueningirola is nice.....

 

#stupidgirl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

anxiety mental health control decisions me myself and i

Comments

  • abbie
    I love your honesty and candor. "We we know better, we do better", right?