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Being Barbie.....

  • By girly-d
  • On 07/11/2017
  • 0 comments

My Barbie was a Super-Model. No matter what I dressed her in, what accessories she wore, she always looked amazing. Because I had no doubt at all that she could rock any style / any colour / any combination - I believed in her.

In my eyes, Barbie rocked. I actually wanted to be her. She set the bar and all of the other dolls followed (in dolls world anyway)....

I loved her so much.

I had the paper versions too. I bought the books with the latest dresses and shoes and handbags in. I used to carefully cut around the edges of them all  and then fold the little tabs around her perfect paper body for hours. Swapping and changing her look....casual to chic, day to night....

She was my absolute best thing....in paper or dolly form. It didn't matter. Where I went she went. She was my wingwoman.

And then I grew up and forgot about Barbie and the hours and hours that I spent lavishing time and affection on her. I had other things to think about.

Like guys and work and getting wasted....especially getting wasted.

Which kind of went on for a lot longer than I'd bargained for. But that's another story. Covered in another blog...

Anyway, I booked a hair appointment earlier, and Barbie just popped into my head -   Out of the blue - as is kind of standard when a blog is forming and I'm about to learn yet another valuable lesson about myself....

So I made a coffee, and I sat and I thought..... and this is what I came up with. 

Self-care / self-love and self respect......or in my case lack of.

Wowzas.

What a revelation. Those topics open all sorts of boxes in my head....

Because if I was a kid and you had given me a doll to play with that looked anything like me the way that I was living a year ago, I'd have chucked it in the bin. And then gone and washed my hands....I wouldn't have spent even five minutes attempting to make her look pretty. She'd have been carted off to the rubbish dump while me and super-cool Barbie hung out painting each others nails and brushing each others hair ......

And that was my downfall. I'd stopped being my own Barbie.....spending time on myself, wearing nice clothes, painting my nails - not caring what anyone thought about my make-up or my hair because I knew that I looked good and so that was all that mattered.

If I had given myself a fraction of the attention and love that I showered on a plastic or paper doll I could have saved myself an awful lot of heartache and an awful lot of headfuck.

There is no way that I would have lived the last couple of years looking like an anorexic bag-lady. Rocking out tangled  hair, crumpled clothes and a major addiction to alcohol if I had any self-love or self respect. I would have put the brakes on pronto, the minute that I started to let myself go. If I had maintained one iota of self esteem while I was growing up then I wouldn't be sat here writing this blog now. I'd be off, living my life to the full; looking and acting like the princess that I should have been all along...

Still. It's not too late. There's still time for me to learn from this....And I fully intend to.

I'm a nice girl. I have morals and ethics. I really shouldn't be treating myself as an afterthought seven days a week. Shopping in charity shops when I could be treating myself to something new. That's just for me; Not buying and wearing something second-hand all the time because I feel that thats all that I'm worth...

I've had a bumpy year. I've conquered a massive  addiction. My co-dependancy is pretty much sorted. I'm happy and healthy and looking like a real girl again. And while I have absolutely no desire at all to look like a walking, talking version of my Barbie doll, I will be making changes.

So I'm starting by dusting off  the pedestal I used to put  Barbie on - because today has been a revelation, and now that I've had this giant, much needed,  wake-up call, I have a feeling that at some point  in the not too distant future, I'm going to be needing it again. But this time it will be for myself - no dolly required....

decisions me myself and i inner diva

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