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Starting Over.....

  • By girly-d
  • On 05/11/2017
  • 1 comments

It's pissing down.

I'm lying on my bed listening to the rain.

In the distance someone is playing the guitar and there's a magpie dancing on my roof.  I'm in the middle of nowhere in my new little house. In my backyard are sheep and cows, buzzards, owls and a peacock. 

It's incredible.

I'm a country girl now. I pick blackberries and work on my teeny little Alice garden. There's nothing here but greenery. It's all I can see for miles. It's healing me. I can feel it in my soul.

I have absolute Serenity here. It's always eluded me before. I yearned for it but it couldn't break through the chaos in my mind. I had to slay some demons first before it would dare to come near me. And now I have it.....and its more than I could ever have dreamed of.

My demons are fading. They occasionally try but they can't get inside of my head. I'm too strong for them now. My life is an adventure, full of possibilty, instead of a bad remake of "The Hunger Games".  

I'm safe here. Bad people can't find me.... 

There is a post office and two tiny shops in the village which is three fields away. I have to climb over stiles and negotiate teeny narrow walkways to get there.

There are no bars, no nightlife. No inner city madness. Nothing to "do"....

Its perfect.

I don't have the words to describe how happy I am in this middle of nowhere place. It's humbling.

Little man is here too. I take him everywhere with me. He would have loved it here - it's wildlife Central. I pretend that he's off on an adventure somewhere out in the fields. My way of coping with how much I miss him.

One day I hope there will be a new little man but right now it's just me -  And my adventure. Now that I have a life -  instead of the car crash "groundhog day" that I was existing in before. 

Eleven months ago this wasn't possible. I was pretty much at deaths door. At the time I didn't care. But I care now. And I'm grateful for this second chance at starting over.

Beyond grateful.

So this one's for my friends.

For sticking by me and saving my life with all of the things that you did for me when I couldn't think straight enough to save it for myself.

You'll never know how much I owe you.

JC SP and CC....im indebted xx

not the slide mental health me myself and i

Comments

  • Nick Grant
    Not sure if I've read this one before. I'm presuming not because you only just got 11 months sober - a very impressive achievement. I'm always looking to you for ideas about how to have a life that's relapse-proof.

    I love the description of where you live. I can almost picture it. You're writing well and I see your stuff is getting media attention - well deserved for the effort.

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