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The queen of bad ideas......

  • By girly-d
  • On 23/02/2018

I'm a mess.

I'm stood in his kitchen surrounded by bags, frantically trying to repair my ravaged face. I know that it will be dark soon anyway but there is absolutely no way that I'm leaving the house like this. I'm upset granted, but I still have standards...

Ten minutes and some frantic sleeve wiping later and I'm heading out the door and down the stairs. I didn't stop to say goodbye. My head was obviously pre-occupied with the black smears around my eyes and I'm mentally giving both barrels to R*****l..... because this latest mascara of theirs is seriously shit...

So we're over.

Two months of lies, deceit, week long vodka binges and bucket loads of vomit later and it's finished. 

It wasn't even me who ended it ironically enough.....and it wasn't for any of the above reasons.  It was him. He ended it.

I did a bad thing. No, not a bad thing. A stupid thing.......and now we're over.

His neighbour gave me a key to the downstairs communal front door recently after letting me in one day. She had a spare she said, as we were chatting... It made sense at the time....he'd been asking me to move in with him anyway so it would save him the cost of getting one cut, and I was going to give it to him later, when he came home that night, only he came home drunk and the night didn't really go to plan...nor did the rest of the week.

Then, later when I should have told him I didn't. Because now I'd had this key for days and suddenly bringing it up without it sounding weird was, in my wisdom, it was now peace of mind for that he was drinking again, knowing that if he was passed out or whatever upstairs and wasn't answering his phone or couldn't get down the stairs once I got there, then at least I could get into the hall and then up to his front door...therefore increasing my chances of being heard knocking on said front door drastically...

I told him about the key yesterday.... explained what had happened. How with hindsight I should never have agreed to taking it in the first place, but that it had seemed like  a good idea at the time....and  that because his drinking had been reaching epic proportions and I was worried, that keeping hold of  it had been my 'emergency' last resort game plan......that I didn't even want a key without him giving it to me....which is why I was giving it back.....that I was really, really sorry that I'd kept it from him.

He ended it. 

And now I feel like a stalker.

A single, really stupid, not very good one.

I can't blame him. It was a bad idea...of epic proportions.

But hey I'm the queen of bad ideas...consistency is clearly my forte....







anxiety not the slide mental health control decisions me myself and i inner diva